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DEI Toolkit

New York State Office of Cultural Education

Difficult conversations

Beginning and moderating difficult conversations is an important part of the diversity, equity, inclusion, accessibility, antiracism, and justice (DEI) work we do in cultural heritage and collections organizations. 

Pre-Work

Before engaging with difficult conversations consider:

  • Acknowledging Intention – racial and socioeconomic segregation were intentional decisions made by New York State and the federal government over a century ago. Acknowledging this intent is the first step in understanding the imperative for beginning and moderating difficult conversations. Although New York is a racially and ethnically diverse state, our racial and ethnic communities are highly segregated and concentrated in specific areas. Our Black and African American communities and our Hispanic communities are frequently concentrated around urban areas due to the legacies of federal- and state-sponsored housing segregation and housing industry finance policies11, access (or lack thereof) to resources, and limited transportation options. This means that many of our rural communities and nearly all of our suburban communities are majority white areas.
  • The Myth of Homogeneity – “There are no people of color in my community. How can we be diverse and inclusive if there is no one here?” New York communities have racial and ethnic diversity but in many cases it is invisible. Housing and socioeconomic segregation can make it difficult for us as museums, libraries, and archives to identify where our racially and ethnically diverse neighbors are.

Implementing this guidance – In order to address these concerns around racial and ethnic diversity and representation, this section provides guidance on approaches to difficult conversations and conversation starters. This guidance can be implemented for difficult conversations with and about the LGBTQ+ community, ability and disability community, and other communities who are or have been oppressed.


11 Rothstein, R. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America. 2017.

Approach

Approaching difficult conversations can be frustrating and stressful, particularly when we feel under-prepared, less knowledgeable, or intimidated by the conversation. To have successful conversations on difficult topics it is important to be:

  • Well informed: Know what you are talking about, its histories, its legacies, and its consequences.
  • Compassionate: Be patient and forgiving with your conversation partners. Acknowledge the difficulty of conversations that make you and your conversation partner uncomfortable. It is okay to be uncomfortable; it is not okay or permissible to ignore difficult conversations because of our own discomfort.
  • Humble: Be okay with not knowing everything, with having potentially different lived experiences, and with making mistakes. Staying humble and practicing compassion creates a loop for continuous learning; this loop keeps our ideas and actions evolving toward justice.
  • Assume best intent: We are all doing our best and we are all in different places and phases of our DEI work. Honor this diversity of experience and thought by making space for the many entry points into this work.

A Framework for Beginning Conversations

  • Create guidelines for the conversation: Sometimes referred to as norms and agreements, or a community promise, guidelines communicate the “rules” for the conversation and establish what conversation partners can expect in the discussion space.
  • Meet people where they are: Start at the beginning, wherever that might be for your conversation partners. People with lived experience in historically or currently oppressed identities are likely at a different place than someone who is the beneficiary of the historical legacy of privilege and power. A person who consistently reads the newest literature about DEI has a different perspective than someone who is just beginning to explore DEI literature. Be vulnerable and invite others to be vulnerable in the conversation.
  • Be prepared for non-closure: DEI work is continuous and unending. It is a continually improving process. When we allocate an hour or three hours or a full day to a DEI-centered conversation it will invariably end with more questions, curiosities, and avenues to explore.

  • Be patient: DEI work takes a long time to learn about, process, and implement. Be patient with yourself, your organization, and your conversation partners. Small and incremental growth is worth celebration, so celebrate your successes no matter how small they feel. Dismantling 400 years of oppression and discrimination is not going to happen in a short amount of time. Your commitment to this work, and your patience, creates the environment for change and allows us to create the communities and organizations we all want for ourselves and our descendants.
  • Ground your conversation in relationships: Difficult conversations are most successful when participants can build on the support of a relationship.

Conversation prompts

Beginning conversations about diversity, equity, inclusion, accessibility, antiracism, and justice (DEI) can be stressful. These prompts are not an exhaustive list but can help start conversations.

  • Will you tell me about yourself, your background, and what is important to you?
  • How do you feel about what is happening in our community? In New York State? In the U.S.? In the world?
  • How do conversations like this make you feel? What is hard or easy about them?
  • How is your childhood different or the same as what you see kids experience today? Do you feel like it is different or similar in our community than in the state or country?
  • What kinds of challenges have you faced in your life? Do you see other people experiencing those challenges? What do you think about that?
  • Tell me about a time when someone stood up for you or you stood up for another person. What made you do it? Do you see similar things happening today in our community?
  • How do you feel our community has changed over time? What are the benefits of the change? What are the challenges?
  • What types of change have you liked in your life? What are the changes that have been difficult for you?

Sources

Caring Across Generations. (2020). Conversation Guide: Talking About Race, Racism, Care, and Caregiving. Retrieved from: https://caringacross.org/blog/talking-about-race/

Embrace Race. (2023). Resources. Retrieved from: https://www.embracerace.org/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwlPWgBhDHARIsAH2xdNefZZONPYAPh T92LRuJU28FQzWaWqjj1-797qCLK-doiw2z5WAnnSsaAil4EALw_wcB